Daily Archives: February 14, 2010

It’s Chinese New Year evening. There is not much happening at this side of the world apart from cooking, eating, watching tv and thinking. Not to mention the part of feeling sorry for myself for being away from my beloved ones back home on these special days.

The memories of my yester years came back when I went through my old photos that I took them with me during my holiday last year July. My childhood memories of moving from one place to another. My school days at 3 different primary schools and finally my secondary school. Later when I went to work and met a lot of people and then my time in college.

Life back then was not easy. From my babyhood till when I reached adulthood. Fear was the one thing I lived by. Fear of not obtaining flying colours at school. Fear of not being liked by my new classmates and teachers in a place full of strangers. Fear of having to see my loved ones (tortured) in the power of a person who was beside the person-self. Fear of losing the person I loved to someone of something else. Fear that I would turn up to be a weak creature or even worse a monster. Fear of a lot of unmentionable things.

Courage was not one of my strengths. There was no one to encourage me to do what was best. I was left to decide myself or to just close my heart for the most important decision in my supposed to be future life. Hence I lost everything. I blamed them. I blamed Him. Yet I was the one to be blamed… for lacking of courage.

One by one of the episodes came by. Erasing them from my memory was not an easy task. They liked to be played even without a permission. There was that tune and another one. A rough one and then sweet. The wind was blowing softly and the leaves were smiling happily. When I looked up, it was that bird again. So small but so free. I wished I was a bird.

I came back into the present. The reality! I looked back at some of the photos and put them to where they belonged.

This was just the rhytmn of my life. No regrets of the past and no fear of the future. Just live the present, sprinkle it with lots of love.

Happy Valentine’s day to the past, the present and with God’s will, the future. My Dear!